Funny jokes

[Anonymous]

here you can post all the funny jokes you know and ones you made up

[ec*k ledgend]

TUMBLE WEEEEDDDD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111

tumble weed @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @

[ec*k ledgend]

a train [::\"].[:::].[:::].{:::}.{:::}.[\"::]

[Anonymous]

that funny and you right change direction

[Luke Beale]

tumble weed @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @


even more but thats the last of it? ;D

[Ban Midou]

LMAO!

happyest star wars staff member!
http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c122/vash747/happytrooper.gif

This one may offend neon genisis evangelion fans but she can be replaced!
http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c122/vash747/reidies.gif

proof that i am real!
http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c122/vash747/sephiroth.jpg

world war 5.5
http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c122/vash747/shitwesunkthetitanic.gif

spider \"drag\" man
http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c122/vash747/spidermanwithbra.gif

bruce lee\'s birthday photo!
http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c122/vash747/brucelee.jpg

instructions for dumb people who don\'t know a what a womans mouth is for!
http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c122/vash747/Cock.jpg

[Anonymous]

the computer night mare

01010101010101010101010101010101010101010101101010 10101010101010101010110101010101101011010101101011 01010101019101010101010101101010101111111101011010 01010101010000000000010101011010101010101100101010 10101010101010101010101010101010101011010101010101 01010101010101101010101011010110101011010110101010 10191010101010101011010101011111111010110100101010 10100000000000101010110101010101011001010101010101 01010101010101010101010101010110101010101010101010 10101011010101010110101101010110101101010101019101 01010101010110101010111111110101101001010101010000 00000001010101101010101010110010101010101010101010 10101010101010101010101101010101010101010101010101 10101010101101011010101101011010101010191010101010 10101101010101111111101011010010101010100000000000 10101011010101010101100101010101010101010101010101 01010101010101011010101010101010101010101011010101 01011010110101011010110101010101910101010101010110 10101011111111010110100101010101000000000001010101 10101010101011001010101010101010101010101010101010 10101010110101010101010101010101010110101010101101 01101010110101101010101019101010101010101101010101 11111110101101001010101010000000000010101011010101 01010110010101010101010101010101010101010101010101 01101010101010101010101010101101010101011010110101 01101011010101010191010101010101011010101011111111 01011010010101010100000000000101010110101010101011 00101010101010101010101010101010101010101010110101 01010101010101010101011010101010110101101010110101 10101010101910101010101010110101010111111110101101 00101010101000000000001010101101010101010110010101 01010101010101010101010101010101010101101010101010 10101010101010110101010101101011010101101011010101 01019101010101010101101010101111111101011010010101 01010000000000010101011010101010101100101010101010 10101010101010101010101010101011010101010101010101 01010101101010101011010110101011010110101010101910 10101010101011010101011111111010110100101010101000 00000000101010110101010101011001010101010101010101 01010101010101010101010110101010101010101010101010 11010101010110101101010110101101010101019101010101 01010110101010111111110101101001010101010000000000 01010101101010101010110010101100101010101010101010 10101010101010101010101010

[Ban Midou]

everyones night mare

peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love! peace and love!

[Anonymous]

One thing you never hear in
geogre w bush saying
i give you world peace and it true

and i very the fisrt monkey to go in the white house

[Ban Midou]

LMAO!

happyest star wars staff member!
http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c122/vash747/happytrooper.gif

This one may offend neon genisis evangelion fans but she can be replaced!
http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c122/vash747/reidies.gif

proof that i am real!
http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c122/vash747/sephiroth.jpg

world war 5.5
http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c122/vash747/shitwesunkthetitanic.gif

spider \"drag\" man
http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c122/vash747/spidermanwithbra.gif

bruce lee\'s birthday photo!
http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c122/vash747/brucelee.jpg

instructions for dumb people who don\'t know a what a womans mouth is for!
http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c122/vash747/Cock.jpg


still say these Pown!

[Anonymous]

you lose me be i got one

old man walking in to a underware shop from women :o

[Ban Midou]

man walks into a bar think some might of noticed!

if david and 2 blondes where gonna jump of a building who would hit the floor frist? the 2 blondes david would watch the blondes jump!

[Luke Beale]

well i like the pictures, good pics :P

[midget]

i thought it was sposed to be jokes ???

[Luke Beale]

yeh well these people dont know any. They post there vertions on jokes

[ec*k ledgend]

lmao nicely done cock goese here lmao, nice one m8, david 1011011110101010 isnt computer worstnight mare it is the fuckign computer lol......

[Anonymous]

it got nine in it and and jokes very funny to
but pic jokes go on pic borad poeple


here one a man lives in england but says he knows no english people

[Ban Midou]

a man (m1) is sitting on a bench reading a newspaper another man (m2) sits down and reads the same paper m1 begins to cry as he reads the paper m2 puts his paper down and asks \'are you ok?\' m1 replys \'yeah the richests man in the world has just died!\' m2 looks shocked \'i\'m sory are you related?\' m1 lifts his head and replys \'no but i fucking wish i was!\'

[Luke Beale]

good joke & its true aswell

[Anonymous]

ok that good i got one
thing to do before you die

angelina jolie

if that bad i know lol

[Ban Midou]

a teacher talks to one of ther pupils parents and they tell her that her son has a bad gambleing problem the teacher comes up with an idea she tells the parents that she can garantee that she could stop their son so the next day she asks the kid to stay behind and begins to lecture the kid on how gambleing is bad just when she is finished the kid burs out \'you claim to be a nateral blonde but you are cheating you are actually dark down below!\' shocked at this the teacher replys \'right i bet you that if i am not blonde down below i\'ll give you a fiver but if you are wrong you got to stop gamble!\' the kid aress so the teacher drops her underwear and lifts up her skirt happy tat she won she rings up the parents and tells them what happened \'BITCH!\' the dad shouted down the phone the teacher asked what was wrong he ad replied \'i bet him 100 smakkers that he would have your underwear down by the end of the day!\'

[Luke Beale]

thats just as good as your first joke ;D

[Anonymous]

thats a good one and it very funny to

[Ban Midou]

this is an idea that i got from final fantasy

Arieths alternitive death

-cloud walks inot hte middle of the lafe and gently places arieth into the water letting go she slowly floats down to the bottum-

possible things that cvould happen

1: something floats back up to the surface cloud looks carefully noticing tha t it\'s her underware!

2: she comes back up ot get air cloud craps himself turning around hitting her with his buster sword

3 sephiroth goes to the kill but gets cloud instead arieth jumps up geting he head impaled in sephiroth\'s masamune

4 a gas cloud rises up poping in clouds face killing him (*it was bad gas!!!*)

5 sephiroth kills cloud after he puts areith into the lake

6 (this is rahter explicet and will only PM users with it!)

[Anonymous]

is going to be the wrost of them all

face off

>:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:(
and it not that funny is it

[Ban Midou]

english man irish man and a scots man are in a hot air ballon it begins to sink so the english man says \'we must lose weight so i\'m going to throw something of value over board\' picking up a sack of gold coins he opens the sack and pours the coins out the ballon rises then sinks again the irish man goes \'since you have lost something of value i\'m going to do the same\' and opens a sack of siler coins and pours them out the ballon again rises the sinks again ths scots man says \' since you have both gave something of value up i\'ll do the same\' he opens a sack of grenades and pours them over the side the balons the rises and they set it down later on getting out of the ballon they see 2 people crying and one person laughing the english man walks up to one of the crying peolpe and asks \'why are you crying?\' the person replied \'my friend just dyied from gold coins falling from the sky\' the english man faked a shocked face and appologised the irish man approched the other crying person and asked the same he recives the same asnwer but it was silver coins that killed him again the irsish man faked a shocked face and apologised the scots man approched the laughing man andd asked \'why are you laughing?\' the guy replies \'my dad farted and blew up the house!\'

[sad eyed angel]

err all my jokes are dirty.

[Luke Beale]

sad eyed angel you can put dirty jokes on if you want but your need to put
\"Warning Dirty Joke\" or something above it

[sad eyed angel]

ok

*WARNING LITTLE BIT NAUGHTY*

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn\'t have a lot of money;
between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said \"Hang on, I have an idea.\" He went next door to the
butcher\'s shop and came out with one large sausage. Shamus said \"Are you
crazy? Now we don\'t have any money left at all!\" Murphy replied \"Don\'t
worry - just follow me.\" He went into the pub where he immediately
ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Shamus said \"Now you\'ve lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be
in. We haven\'t got any money!!\" Murphy replied, with a smile \"Don\'t
worry, I have a plan, Cheers!\" They downed their drinks. Murphy said
\"OK, I\'ll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees
and put it in your mouth.\"

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out. They
continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for
free. At the tenth pub

Shamus said \"Murphy - I don\'t think I can do any more o\' this. I\'m too
drunk and me bloody knees are killin\' me!\"

Murphy said \"How do you think I feel? I lost the freakin sausage in
the third pub.\"

[Anonymous]

right here one
you going to travel to amazon river forset ok its one journey that has a lot\'s of danger with it.right you get out there you travel lots so far and you two days in to you ask your travel guide how he is what words do you not want to hear from him
lost, tried ,confused

[Ban Midou]

ok that was funny becasue it was bad!

things u won\'t expect to hear osama bin larden to say in his tapes:

1: welcome to bin larden FM that was the beatles with yellow submarine and now heres a nice song from the beegees!

2: what do you think? lose the beard?

3: i am sending this message to declare peace between america and afganistan

4: I am actualy a member of the CIA!

5: I love cheese it is so nice!

6: so who would live in a cave like this?

7: what you think? do i look gay in this cave?

[kate]

right here one
you going to travel to amazon river forset ok its one journey that has a lot\'s of danger with it.right you get out there you travel lots so far and you two days in to you ask your travel guide how he is what words do you not want to hear from him
lost, tried ,confused


i got a joke thats imaler to renos well here it is

*WARNING MAY BE A LITTLE OFFENSIVE TO INDIANS*

theres an irish man, a scotish man, a enghlish man and a paki.their in a hot air balloon when it starts to sink so they have to chuck something off,the irish man chucks off some money and says \"we got plentey of that in our country\";the scottish man chucks off some beer and says\"we got plenty of that in our country\";and the english man chucks of the paki and says\"we got plenty of them in our country\" :D

[kate]

right here one
you going to travel to amazon river forset ok its one journey that has a lot\'s of danger with it.right you get out there you travel lots so far and you two days in to you ask your travel guide how he is what words do you not want to hear from him
lost, tried ,confused

*WARNING MAY BE AFFENSIVE TO SOME*

Q.what do u do if u see a paki dying?
A.stop laughing and pick up ur gun

[Ban Midou]

What Professors/Teachers Really Mean When Saying....

This needs some minor revision. = I never actually got around to reading this.
My office hours are by appointment only = I like to get out of here early.
Ten percent of your grade is based on class participation. = I\'ll be fudging your grades.
This won\'t be on the test. = Nap time!
Bring the text to class. = I don\'t have a clue how to lecture - we\'ll just kill time with group read-alongs.
I\'m not fully up to speed on that. = I\'ve got my head up my ass.
I don\'t have the latest department guidelines... = I\'ve got my head up my ass.
Let\'s check with Dr. So-and-so on that before we proceed... = I\'ve got my head up his/her ass.
Talk to the department secretary. = Piss off.
Talk to me in my office after class. = Get out of my face.
The tests will all be multiple-choice. = I take questions directly from the study guide, and have grad students do all my grading.
Don\'t come in late during my lecture. = I have the attention span of a fruit fly.
Save your questions until the end. = See above.
The final will be comprehensive. = I\'ll expect you to recapitulate in two hours everything I couldn\'t fully cover myself in 15 weeks.
Everyone will prepare in-class oral presentations. = This course is outside my specialty - I\'ll just bluff it and let you teach.
There are two TAs available to help you. = I can\'t be bothered.
This year, I\'ll be scaling the grades. = I just passed tenure review.
Let\'s break up into quiet discussion groups. = I have a hangover.
Let\'s have class outdoors today! = I had beans for lunch.
You won\'t be able to sell the text back to the bookstore. = My contract wasn\'t picked up.
Please note the last day to withdraw. = The midterm\'s gonna suck.
The answer to #4 is \"b\", and just skip #17. = I only got around to making up the test last night.
The second list is optional reading. = I have a rich fantasy life.
I haven\'t had a chance to make up the syllabus for this course yet= The asshole department chair stuck me with teaching this course at the last possible minute.
Well, it was on the syllabus. = I\'ll hold you responsible for this, even though I forgot about it myself.
We\'ll just skip the term paper this semester. = There wasn\'t enough money in the budget for a TA.
Bring a #2 pencil to the exam. = See above.
Attendance is required and will be counted in your grade. = I\'m so boring, no one would show up otherwise..
Read chapters 5 through 10. = I\'m not coming in at all next week.
We\'ll have to cover this chapter quickly. = I screwed up on the lecture schedule.
Let\'s go over the exam. = Half of you failed.
It was in the textbook. = I pulled it out of my ass.
Extra credit is available. = I need some scut-work done.
I\'m postponing today\'s exam. = There\'s stuff on the exam I forgot to cover.
Don\'t write on the question sheet. = I\'m so lazy I just use the same exams every semester

[Ban Midou]

By Women:

I think of you as a brother...
You get on my nerves and are always bugging me

There\'s a slight difference in our ages...
You are one jurassic geezer who looked much younger in the nightclub

I\'m not attracted to you in \"that\" way...
You are the uglist loser i\'ve ever laid my eyes on.

My life is too complicated right now...
I dont want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all
the other guys i\'m seeing.

I\'ve already got a boyfriend...
Who\'s really my male cat and a cheap cask of wine

I dont date men where i work...
I wouldn\'t even date you if you were even in the same solar system, let alone in the
same building.

It\'s not you, its me...
It\'s not me, it\'s you

I\'m concentrating on my career...
Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than a jerk like you


By Men:

I think of you as a sister...
You\'re ugly

There\'s a slight difference in our ages...
You\'re ugly

I\'m not attracted to you in \"that\" way...
You\'re ugly

My life is too complicated right now...
You\'re ugly

I\'ve got a girlfriend...
You\'re ugly

I don\'t date women where i work...
You\'re ugly

It\'s not you, it\'s me...
You\'re ugly

I\'m concentrating on my career...
You\'re ugly

I\'m celibate...
You\'re ugly

[Ban Midou]

To all the guys who plan to use pickup lines...be aware of these snappy comebacks from women

Man: \"Haven\'t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: \"Yeah, that\'s why I don\'t go there anymore.\"

Man: \"Is this seat empty?\"
Woman: \"Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.\"

Man: \"So, wanna go back to my place ?\"
Woman: \"Well, I don\'t know. Will two people fit under a rock?\"

Man: \"Your place or mine?\"
Woman: \"Both. You go to yours and I\'ll go to mine.\"

Man: \"I\'d like to call you. What\'s your number?\"
Woman: \"It\'s in the phone book.\"
Man: \"But I don\'t know your name.\"
Woman: \"That\'s in the phone book too.\"

Man: \"So what do you do for a living?\"
Woman: \"I\'m a female impersonator.\"

Man: \"What sign were you born under?\"
Woman: \"No Parking.\"

Man: \"Hey, baby, what\'s your sign?\"
Woman: \"Do not Enter\"

Man: \"How do you like your eggs in the morning?\"
Woman: \"Unfertilized !\"

Man: \"Hey, come on, we\'re both here at this bar for the same reason\"
Woman: \"Yeah! Let\'s pick up some chicks!\"

Man: \"I\'m here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy.\"
Woman: \"You mean you\'ve got both a donkey and a Great Dane?\"

Man: \"I know how to please a woman.\"
Woman: \"Then please leave me alone.\"

Man: \"I want to give myself to you.\"
Woman: \"Sorry, I don\'t accept cheap gifts.\"

Man: \"I can tell that you want me.\"
Woman: \"Ohhhh. You\'re so right. I want you to leave.\"

Man: \"If I could see you naked, I\'d die happy:
Woman: \"Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I\'d probably die laughing.\"

Man: \"Hey cutie, how \'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?\"
Woman: \"Sorry, I don\'t date outside my species..\"

Man: \"Your body is like a temple.\"
Woman: \"Sorry, there are no services today.\"

Man: \"I\'d go through anything for you.\"
Woman: \"Good! Let\'s start with your bank account.\"

Man: \"I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: \"Yes, but would you stay there?\"

[Ban Midou]

One day a nun was standing on the side of the road waiting for a cab. A cab stopped and picked her up. During the ride she noticed that the driver was staring at her.

When she asked him why, he said, \"I want to ask you something, but I don\'t want to offend you.\"

She said, \"You can\'t offend me. I have been a nun long enough that I have heard just about everything.\"

The cab driver then said, \"Well, I\'ve always had a fantasy to have a nun give me a blow job.\"

She said, \"Well, perhaps we can work something out under two conditions. You have to be single, and you have to be Catholic.\"

Immediately the cab driver said, \"Oh, yes! I\'m single and I\'m Catholic!\"

The nun said, \"Okay, pull into that alley.\"

The cab driver pulled into the alley and the nun went to work. Shortly afterwards, the cab driver started crying.

The nun said, \"My child, what\'s the matter?\"

He said tearfully, \"Sister, I have sinned. I lied, I lied...I\'m married and I\'m Jewish!\"

The nun replied, \"That\'s okay. My name\'s Bruce and I\'m on my way to a costume party!\"

[Ban Midou]

What the Doctor means, is in italics ;D

\"This should be taken care of right away.\"
I\'d planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

\"Welllllll, what have we here...\"
Since I haven\'t the foggiest clue of what it is, I\'m hoping you will give me a bit of a clue.

\"We\'ll see.\"
First I have to check my malpractice insurance.

\"Let me check your medical history.\"
I want to see if you\'ve paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.

\"Why don\'t we make another appointment later in the week.\"
I\'m playing golf this afternoon
-or-
I need the money, so I\'m charging you for another office visit.

\"I really can\'t recommend seeing a chiropractor.\"
I hate those guys mooching in on our fees.

\"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.\"
Since I haven\'t the faintest idea of what to do, I am trying to appear thoughtful while hoping the nurse will interrupt.

\"We have some good news and some bad news.\"
The good news is I\'m going to buy that new BMW, and the bad news is you\'re going to pay for it.

\"Let\'s see how it develops.\"
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.

\"Let me schedule you for some tests.\"
I have a 40% intrest in the lab.

\"I\'d like to have my associate look at you.\"
He\'s going through a messy divorce and owes me a small fortune.

\"How are we today?\"
I feel great. You, on the other hand, look like hell.

\"I\'d like to prescribe a new drug.\"
I\'m writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea.

\"If it doesn\'t clear up in a week, give me a call.\"
I don\'t know what the hell it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

\"Well, we\'re not feeling so well today, are we?\"
I can\'t remember your name, nor why you are here.

\"This should fix you up.\"
The drug salesman guaranteed that it kills all symptoms.

\"Everything seems to be normal.\"
I guess I can\'t buy that new beach house after all.

\"I\'d like to run some more tests.\"
I can\'t figure out what\'s wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

\"Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting your nerves?\"
I think you\'re crazy and I hoping to find a psychiatrist who will split fees.

\"If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment.\"
I\'ve never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I\'m off next week.

\"There is a lot of that going around.\"
My God, thats the third one this week. I\'d better learn something about this.

[kate]

What the Doctor means, is in italics ;D

\"This should be taken care of right away.\"
I\'d planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

\"Welllllll, what have we here...\"
Since I haven\'t the foggiest clue of what it is, I\'m hoping you will give me a bit of a clue.

\"We\'ll see.\"
First I have to check my malpractice insurance.

\"Let me check your medical history.\"
I want to see if you\'ve paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.

\"Why don\'t we make another appointment later in the week.\"
I\'m playing golf this afternoon
-or-
I need the money, so I\'m charging you for another office visit.

\"I really can\'t recommend seeing a chiropractor.\"
I hate those guys mooching in on our fees.

\"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.\"
Since I haven\'t the faintest idea of what to do, I am trying to appear thoughtful while hoping the nurse will interrupt.

\"We have some good news and some bad news.\"
The good news is I\'m going to buy that new BMW, and the bad news is you\'re going to pay for it.

\"Let\'s see how it develops.\"
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.

\"Let me schedule you for some tests.\"
I have a 40% intrest in the lab.

\"I\'d like to have my associate look at you.\"
He\'s going through a messy divorce and owes me a small fortune.

\"How are we today?\"
I feel great. You, on the other hand, look like hell.

\"I\'d like to prescribe a new drug.\"
I\'m writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea.

\"If it doesn\'t clear up in a week, give me a call.\"
I don\'t know what the hell it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

\"Well, we\'re not feeling so well today, are we?\"
I can\'t remember your name, nor why you are here.

\"This should fix you up.\"
The drug salesman guaranteed that it kills all symptoms.

\"Everything seems to be normal.\"
I guess I can\'t buy that new beach house after all.

\"I\'d like to run some more tests.\"
I can\'t figure out what\'s wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

\"Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting your nerves?\"
I think you\'re crazy and I hoping to find a psychiatrist who will split fees.

\"If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment.\"
I\'ve never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I\'m off next week.

\"There is a lot of that going around.\"
My God, thats the third one this week. I\'d better learn something about this.



lol :lol: those r funny